Whether you’re in a narcissistic relationship, recovering from a narcissistic relationship or starting to look for a healthy relationship, I can’t emphasise enough how important a solo date is. To highlight, a solo date doesn’t have to be somewhere fancy, unusual or extravagant, it basically means a specific time that is put aside for you and you only. It’s important you discover what you like, what you want to do, what your interests are and what your hobbies are.
In narcissistic relationships we often lose ourselves and our identity becomes side tracked. Solo dates and time alone is also important to learn more about our relationship and reflect on it.
There are so many important reasons for scheduling a solo date or time for yourself. If you are unsure whether you are in a relationship with a narcissist, and/or you’re struggling with the idea of staying or leaving – being able to take yourself out of the equation completely, even just for a few hours is vital for:
Time and space to reflect.
Gaging what your partner’s response will be – are they happy with you spending time alone? Do they constantly message? Do they keep checking on you?
Do you feel guilty being by yourself?
Do you feel you should be at home with them?
Being able to reflect on the above can help you start to better understand if your partner is supportive or potentially controlling. Did they make it difficult for you to arrange time for yourself, did they question the need for you to be alone, were they paranoid and suspicious?
If you’re able to take yourself on a solo date outside of the home, being out of the house means you are able to:
Meet new people.
Explore new places.
See new perspectives.
Basically, open up your mind and outlook away from the potential narcissistic person in your life.
Even if you are no longer in a narcissistic relationship, the above can allow you to take back your control, your identity and help you understand and realise how important time alone is.
There will be many people out there who might struggle with the idea of a solo date because of the practical side of things such as childcare, work or even physical health difficulties. Therefore, it’s so important to plan ahead.
Is there a spare hour or two each month, week or every few weeks where you can do something just for you?
Can someone watch the kids?
Can you do something whilst they are at school or nursery?
If it’s absolutely impossible to take yourself anywhere, there’s always things you can do in the house, to help with understanding if you’re in a narcissistic relationship (this list is also helpful for anyone who has been in a narcissistic relationship and still coming to terms with it):
Journalling – this might sound very cliché but being able to take even just 10 minutes to sit down with a pen and paper and reflect on your relationship, your day, your week or your life etc. can help with the process.
Podcasts and Audiobooks – listen to research and stories out there about narcissistic abuse. Even if you can only set aside 10 minutes here and there for this, you are starting to better understand and gain knowledge about narcissism – what signs to look out for, similarities with other victims etc.
YouTube, TikTok, Instagram etc – Basically any social media platform you might already use or could potentially download. Start following accounts from people and professionals who speak about narcissistic abuse. The more you hear and learn about other people’s stories, the more empowered you may feel to eventually leave.
Reading, watching a film, taking a bath – all very simple things, but what’s important is that they are scheduled in your diary/daily plan to carry out. The more time you spend with the narcissist and the less time you spend on yourself; you will notice you are starting to lose yourself. Therefore, it’s important to set aside specific times for you.
Financial Research and Advice – Listen to and read about ways to make money, save money and even investing and how to keep it separate from the narcissist. Or if you are no longer in a narcissistic relationship, it’s still important to be aware of financial options for you, so that you can work towards financial independence. The more financially independent we are, the less likely we are to rely on others and the more likely we can have the means to leave if we need to.
Exercise – this could be watching a 10-minute YouTube video on Pilates or yoga, a walk with the dog or 30 squats a night. What matters is that you are allocating time for you, and it’s a given that we feel good after exercising - from what we have achieved and for how our body starts to feel.
Jigsaws, colouring, painting, baking, sewing, knitting, crocheting, Lego, gaming – whatever you might enjoy. It’s your choice, don’t let anyone make you feel it’s pointless, childish, a waste of time or selfish.
Key Point - Whether it’s a solo date outside of the house or time for yourself in the house – the important point is that it’s scheduled and prioritised and it’s for you and you only.
We’ve put together a list of potential solo dates you could try out on our resources page; you will also find the above list of ideas for alone time in the house.
We hope you found this post helpful. As always, we welcome any feedback, comments and messages.
Take care,
A
Comments